1. |
Vision
05:08
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Vision:
Walking down a wide solitary road
alone with the heartbeat bumping
through white buds to the electronic
mainframe of my phone.
The Use is for me to tell you
I saw us alone and unforgiven.
Caught in the grips of the monster
stumbling sick with blurred out vision
we were sitting on opposite banks
of the same dirty river completely
unaware that the other one existed.
You were surrounded by the tools of oblivion
oblivious to me and the sins I was committing
in the hopes to find freedom from the insidious
decisions that had me imprisoned.
The river lined with dirty needles
and dead fish that once were swimming
to the end of the line you cast out
and drew in in an attempt to begin
to forget the pain as it singed off
any last remnants of the illusion of security.
This is a dirty dream
reminiscent of the Lower East Side’s dirty scenes
caught in a dungeon you knew not of me
as I continued to bleed out on bathroom floors
all over the Zoo-York came and
put a cork in my brain containing
the disturbing realizations that caused
me to remain insane.
I held on to the only name
that could stave the pain
like a slave I refrained
from challenging my master,
my heroine.
My life seemed to all
to be such a disaster
as I laid out paranoid and plastered
across bathroom stalls with your name
engrained in black ink
I had no idea what would become
of the pain until today.
As I walked home alone
along that wide solitary road
to my home in New Jersey where
I roamed long enough to find you.
We were side by side and never knew.
Across a dirty strung out river we waited
like forgotten mental patients in a psych ward
we wasted days away
breaking into shame
to stay a part of the game yet
always knowing we were different.
This purgatory delivered us to a life
that at times still is bitter like the acid rain
but this vision showed me the light:
we are finally forgiven.
And when it hit, I started to cry
I broke down on the side of that wide solitary road
as the electronic metal boxes continued to go past
I sat in the sun and I knew in that moment
it was all because:
Nothing lasts forever
This is pain and this is pleasure
This moment is only now,
only now and only forever.
Love always and forever,
your only once and only never.
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2. |
No Such Thing
07:53
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No Such Thing
Do you remember that time that
we went down to the riverside and
you pulled my hair to the side
so that you could look directly into my eyes?
It was as if time stopped.
It was just one moment –
it was all that we got
before the pain of reality
sunk back in
and your eyes
sunk back in
to your skin
the flesh: it was drawn tight
across the bones
with all the memories
you would fight
of the way that
things were sinking in and
we were giving in to
the needle pinprick
sinking in
to the skin thick with
all the scars reminiscent
of the unforgiven sins
we would commit.
We had to forgive ourselves
but we just couldn’t win
we were sinners
sunk like battleships
far beyond the last dinner.
We hadn’t eaten in days, weeks, hours:
it was uncertain which way we would devour
all the games that we would play
just to pretend to feel something.
We had to pretend just to feel something
We were slaves.
Slaves to a way of being we
gave in to the life
We surrendered to the knife
in the form of a tiny metal spike
it just felt so right the way
that our feeble hearts would beat
in our chest
we were together but
always apart
from the start.
We sat on the same pieces of plywood
on the same concrete floor
And we would cry.
Why? Why would they do this to us?
Never stopping to think that
it wasn’t they that was doing this to us
It was us that was on the brink.
No one held the keys to our freedom but us
it was the cold steel that would become freeing as we went numb.
It was us that was imprisoned.
We willingly entered the abandoned concrete cell
and pushed aside all those who tried to drag us from this hell we
climbed the broken pieces drowning further in abyss.
And we smiled as the cold steel kissed our bloody lips
while the rats and the lice danced in delight laughing,
while we died by candlelight.
I looked at you night after night
by the flickering flame whittled down
It was just $1 for 3 candles
but they were our lifeline
to something other than the darkness
We lived like rats in the darkness:
even the albino rats in the corner
were brighter than the whites of our eyes.
Your skin it was grey with your suicide
turned homicide
Cyanide kills quicker than
the drops of blood dripping down my thighs.
It was a murder scene every time,
I looked into your eyes,
I remembered being down by that riverside,
I fantasized, about you pulling my hair to the side,
so that you could look directly into my eyes.
It was as if time stopped.
But every time I looked into my eyes
It was nothing but beady
dark black bullets looking back at me
down the barrel of a gun
I was looking down the barrel of a plastic gun
I loaded it up and stuck it in because
I don’t believe the son of God
was killed for my sins
and there is no such fucking thing
as redemption.
As the rains came,
the bones rose
from the window pane
we watched as though
puppets of the grand parade
were stripped of their earthly clothes.
The spirits gathered round
dancing in a spectacular mockery
of the way we were romancing
with something we could not understand
see our sins washed away
by the blood of Mary’s little lamb.
One, two, three, turn four
load it up you little whore
who you are you will be no more
we’ll dance and play you to the graveyard door.
One, two, three, turn four
load it up you little whore
who you are you will be no more
we’ll dance and play you to the graveyard door.
When you sit by candlelight for months on end
you will know that for some
there is no such fucking thing as redemption.
All of my friends are dead.
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3. |
Bubblegum
08:46
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I’ll pluck out your eyes
and make a pie
cross-stitch in your thighs
with blood-soaked thread
I’ll rip it out and climb inside.
Tiny ions of death
will make their nest
under your flesh
while you obsess on my unhappiness.
With tears of blood,
I mourn the souls
of those who love
the human being that I once was.
A cackle, a laugh
Don’t dare to look back
He-he-he-he-ha-ha-ha-haaack
off the heads of the pure, just for fun.
I’ll slit the wrists of everyone I ever loved and
chain them together by their veins and
tether their tendons to a tender hearted lass
just born
I will render her soft skull a soccer ball for the undone.
And if you think I’m ill,
well my dear, just wait
until
you’ve had your turn at falling in love.
What will become of these feelings inside?
They will rot and fester in your corpse you will die alone:
under the floor is where I will store your bones.
You can try to haunt me inside but
the beast disguised as me
is not what you think you see
never again will I be
potentially,
human.
(I don’t even know what that means!)
It feels so long ago now
that I once knew how to feel
I knew how to show you what I thought
was real I opened my ribcage
like a cracked Thanksgiving turkey
And you shoved your hand up
inside my warm crevice
giving thanks for your undeserving
reaching for my most delicate organs
You said that you would protect me and care for me
with all those words that you gave me
but instead
You took what you could and
you threw me into a pot of boiling water.
You made soup out of me and
fed it to everyone on your Facebook feed
they were so hungry for
the bloody red meat of me
they ate me up like insanity
I was a victim to your vanity
I sat in front of my vanity
plucking the hairs out
from in between my thighs
because I wanted you to go down
and climb inside
But I was just a child.
I was just a child:
an unpicked fruit in the garden of Eden
you saw me and you thought
I was ripe for the eating
you looked for the knowledge of my innocence
but you were in a sense so evil
you couldn’t get it anyways.
But you still ate
And you ate
And you ate
And you ate
licking my bones clean
like a graveyard mutt
mangey and crawling with fleas
you ran around while I
crawled on my knees
I was digging for something
crying Lord please,
Help me.
But all I found was worms,
maggots, and lice
as my fingernails began to bleed
I felt so unclean.
And the blood it dripped
down from my veins
I was draining like a cadaver
in some kind of laboratory
they were draining me for
some kind of scientific experimentation they
needed information on the infestation
that you had left inside of me.
It was a disease never before seen
They didn’t even have a name for it.
I call it greed.
My only crime was believing in my need for you
hungry for the flesh off your bones.
You taught me to bleed.
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4. |
Stay
06:06
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Stay
Stay -- with me,
I need: you, please.
I’m lost, without the words
to say.
Stay – with me,
Stay, with me.
Stay.
You don’t know
what you do:
Stay.
I’m walking, through our room
shattered -- by pieces of you,
floating remnants reminiscent
of the times we went, to lie, side by side
stepping in time,
I tried to deny, but my lines still can’t hide:
the atrocious unwinding of your mind.
I sit, unphased, and I hate it:
how things have changed.
I knew I’d miss you:
so deranged.
I couldn’t wait alone
the dial tone mocks --
persistent,
from your damn phone.
Stay, with me.
I’m eating myself
(piece by piece)
from a shell of your skull
I carved for years
(in darkness)
after eating you whole.
Your death, my only regret
was
the moment that you went
I never wanted it to end
but if I had another chance
I swear
I’d do it.
All over.
Again.
Stay. With me.
I need you, please.
I’m lost, without
the words…
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The Wichts New Brunswick, New Jersey
The Wichts combines the story-telling of vocalist, keyboardist, and poet, Audrey Rose, with Justin Humphrey's dark electric guitar, and Jack Leary's innovative rhythms. The music rises and swells with the emotional tone of the lyrics as Audrey invites the audience to look directly into her eyes during her most vulnerable breakdowns. ... more
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